Now, I know that exercise is a great stress reliever. But, when I am stressed, the last thing I want to do is exercise. I normally want to squeeze in as much sleep as I can. Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE to sleep! To think about sacrificing that sleep to exercise (which I do not really enjoy) is like torture, especially when my stress level is already high.
Most of you keep up with me in some fashion through Facebook and I often use that as a way to vent short little snippets of my life. Thankfully school is over for this semester and I rocked out a 4.0 which I am very excited about. Coming off my car accident and a bad concussion, I was worried that I had made the wrong decision to go back to school so soon after my accident. I was concerned that my brain and my memory were not where they needed to be to handle all of the things that I would need to remember. My doctor had ordered cognitive rehab months ago, but their waiting list is so long that I never got in. So, I was very concerned. I was also worried about what the added stress would do to the other deficits I had overcome, like falling asleep, dizziness, and blurry vision, as well as my headaches. Things turned out not to be quite so bad. My headaches would get worse before a test or when I had been studying a lot. I had to learn to give myself breaks to do nothing with school. In the end, my hard work paid off and I got all A's...a 4.0 for the first time ever in my LONG college career (more so due to laziness than anything else.)
With all the added stress, I started finding that I had less and less time to cook. I started eating out or eating things that were convenient. I didn't want to spend my weekends cooking for the week. I also got put on a tricyclic antidepressant for my headaches and depression (see my last blog post for that info.) This medicine has many side effects that have been difficult to overcome. It makes me very sleepy. I take it at bedtime and it helps with sleep, but most days I wake up still groggy and sleepy from it. It also slows down your intestinal tract which leads to being "backed up" most of the time. You'd be amazed at how much weight gain that can cause. I now take Miralax every day and that has helped some, but it is still an issue (probably TMI for many folks, but I'm just being honest here!) It states that it can cause weight gain and I don't know if it's from the previous reason or the fact that I feel like I want to eat junk all the time...it's like non-stop PMS. I try not to keep it in my house, but I find it at work or break down buy something.
My willpower is not the strongest, which is probably why I am dealing with weight issues. I still hate water and I would still rather go thirsty than to drink pure water. I hate it. Every day I see that darn jug of water in my fridge and I loathe the thought of actually drinking it. I am going to try getting a smaller container and just drink more of them, like maybe 4 servings of 24 ounces, or something to that effect, I know all the things that I need to do, but making myself do them is another story!
The holidays have definitely made things worse as well. Being a teacher, there is an endless supply of junk being brought in by parents. They mean well, but for people like me, it is hard not to graze when it is sitting there calling out my name. Add to that, the totally unhealthy meals at Thanksgiving and endless leftovers and it's a recipe for disaster. I also go out to eat a lot more when my parents are in town, which is no excuse because I should try to order something better off the menu as well as eat less of it at one sitting.
I have no real, legitimate excuse for the backpedaling I have done. It is what it is and I have to accept it and do my best to move on. I will definitely be doing another Advocare 24 day challenge after the first of the year to get my self back on track. For now, stopping the medicine that I take is not an option, as it is working great for my depression and pretty good for my headaches. So, I will have to find new ways to deal with it. I am considering a gym membership, but I want to wait until I know that I will use it before I jump into that. I am also probably going to sign up for some one-on-one personal trainer sessions at a small gym near my house. I think that will help jump start all of this again in the new year. I am not one for New Year's resolutions because most people, including me, never keep them (I quit smoking on January 2, 2012 for that very reason.) So, I am trying to get a plan together and need to start making some little steps in that direction, like walking before work and not staying up so late.
For now, I have to accept that when I weighed this morning I am back up to 249.6 lbs. I have to accept it and move on...dwelling on my mistakes is not going to help me. I need to figure out how to make it work, with school, and get back to it. For now, I have my Road ID that reminds me to NEVER QUIT, BE BRAVE, and BE BADASS...that's all I can do right now.
