What happens when failure is not an option?

Growing up I was taught the saying, "Hope for the best, but expect the worst." This seems like a logical life lesson...always have a contingency plan for when things don't go well. If you are always expecting the worst, you'll be pleasantly surprised when something better than that happens. You'll never be caught off guard by the worst case scenario. But I have found, in my adult life, that this saying leaves me unable to enjoy the good things in life, unable to see the hope that comes from trying new things, unable to accept that something good might come out of a bad situation. It has left me immediately jumping to the worst in a person or situation and therefore, a very pessimistic outlook on life.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas A. Edison

I don't like to fail. In reality, I guess no one actually LIKES to fail. But for me, it is the end of the world...failure is just not an option that I am willing to entertain. I am so afraid of failing that it deters me from trying anything new that I might not be good at. In my mind, if I never try, I can't fail. And if I do try and it starts not going well or it gets too hard, I quit...because then it is my CHOICE to quit, not actual failure.

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." -Thomas A. Edison

My entire life has been a bit of a contradiction. I love a challenge. I like when things are not easy. I like things to be different every day. I love school because it is hard and I am good at it. I like that I actually have to use my brain. But at the same time, I constantly think that I am going to fail. I fight every day not to quit because it is hard and there is a slight possibility of failure and I really hate to fail. Most days, I love the gym. I love how much better I feel. In some sick way, I like when my muscles hurt because then I feel like I actually did something. When I wake up in the morning and it hurts to sneeze, part of me loves that. Yet another part of me has to fight a daily war within myself to make me go to gym or go run at the park.

"Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war." -Donald Trump

I have a goal of running. I haven't run for exercise since college (the first time around.) But the day that Celeste asked me, "Are you ready to start running intervals?" it scared the Hell out of me. I stammered with my answer. I knew that I was ready...it was going to be crazy hard, especially with bad knees, but it was one step closer to my goal. But in my head, I was answering. "No, I'm not ready...it will be too hard...I won't be able to do it...I can't do it...I change my mind about running." The down side (at times) to posting your goals publicly is that everyone knows them and will push you towards them, even if you don't push yourself. Damn accountability!

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt

My entire life has been built around failure not being an option. One would think that this would mean that I would have excelled at everything, but it was often not the case. I would do just enough to get by. Nothing short of "A" in school was ever okay. This was not a lofty expectation because I was very smart, I still am, so A's were easy. But when I started back to school this time, I found that often times, even an A wasn't good enough. A 90 on a test was still an A, but it was barely an A. I would beat myself up over not being the best in the class. Yet at the same time, when I did ace a test and score the highest grade, I was in disbelief and I was sure the teacher had messed up somehow!

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." -Michael Jordan

When I am at the gym, I am not likely to try anything new or more difficult without being told to do it first. Even then, I often don't want to. My mind constantly tells me "I can't" but I fight the urge to let that spill out of my mouth! Every day that I go to the park to walk and run, I look ahead and pick the next goal that I am going to run to. I find that some days, I push myself more than others. I know that if I went with someone else, they would push me, and some days that would be great. But those people, as inspiring and amazing that they are, may not always be around, and I have to learn to push myself.

"You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give." -E. O. Wilson

So, I am working on some new life quotes, some new mantras for my life, given to me by a friend. These will also end up on my mirror to remind me every day.

“Expect the best. Plan for less.”

“Change happens outside your comfort zone.”

“It never gets easier, but you do get better.”

These will help me to change my thinking. It won't be easy to break nearly 36 years of previous thoughts, but I am willing to work hard at it. Failure is still not a viable option that I am really willing to entertain, but I am working on not focusing on those possibilities. I need to work on being the best version of myself today. To give it my all and when it is done, to know that I did my very best and whatever happens, happens. No longer will I give up when it gets hard, no longer will I quit to avoid failure. I will not give up again, I will not quit. I will fight until there is nothing left and that will have to be good enough.

"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying." -B. F. Skinner

#bebravebebadass #nevergiveup #nevergivein #neverquit #teamendured #failureisnotanoption #failureisinevitable #dohardthings #thankfulforfriendswhopushme #evenwhenithinkicant